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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 15:24:29 GMT -5
She takes a moment to think. It was somewhat familiar. For a while, she defined herself by the whims and motions of another. That woman of the Spider Clan, whose whispers of sweet nothings came with lessons in the corruption of her vulnerable, broken heart. The woman had tried little by little to replace Utaku Hisui with a monstrous saint of the excesses of Shourido.
She looks at Uetani with no small amount of distress.
"And do you want to be that way? Or does a part of Uetani still wait there?" she asks. "There are many dangers to letting yourself be defined by others, as opposed to yourself. You become a thing, rather than a person. You become a weapon, a project, a music box, an empty vase."
"Is that what you are?"
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Post by Kakita Uetani on Feb 12, 2018 16:11:58 GMT -5
"That is exactly what I am" she smiles sadly "What is the point in being anything else"
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 16:18:17 GMT -5
She shakes her head.
"Then that is why you never feel sated. Not your sister's hunger or appetite. You. Because you've forgotten what it means to be human."
She looks the Kakita in the eye.
"And you are human. Flawed and hurt and haunted, but human."
What was it about this day, she asked herself, that seemed to enjoy putting her in these situations?
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Post by Kakita Uetani on Feb 12, 2018 16:42:06 GMT -5
"There is nothing that makes me feel that way. Not drink, not drugs, not women or men or food. Only the promise of killing comes close, and I have held that back with the other things. What is there left to me, that will make me anything other than a broken doll?"
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 16:46:17 GMT -5
"That is something you must find yourself," she answers, recalling the story of that day in the infirmary. "But be open to flashes of insight in any form. It could be something as mundane as the spinning of a potter's wheel or as impactful as a concussion."
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Post by Kakita Uetani on Feb 12, 2018 17:17:31 GMT -5
She laughs at that "Pain and pleasure go hand in hand you mean. Fuyuko-sensei and I see that in the same way"
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 17:20:45 GMT -5
"That and more," she says, smiling. "I find that insight can strike at the most mundane moments. Open yourself to the possibility that you can find something unexpected to satisfy yourself."
A moment passes before she adds, "Or someone. Benten works in mysterious ways."
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Post by Kakita Uetani on Feb 12, 2018 17:33:04 GMT -5
"Too many someones in my life. None of them want to stay around" she floats in the water, smiling sadly. That seemed to be her default expression
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 18:14:07 GMT -5
"Give it time," she says, trying to be comforting. "Your mentor and I were set adrift for nearly four decades before our paths crossed long enough. And I suspect, had I not decided to venture into the hotsprings that night, I'd never have met her again."
"The one you dismiss today may well be the one you find completes you tomorrow."
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Post by Kakita Uetani on Feb 12, 2018 18:25:45 GMT -5
"I don't dismiss them" she smiles "Not in my nature. But people have their fun, and move on"
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