|
|
Post by Miya Asurito on Feb 3, 2018 21:39:43 GMT -5
Asurito listens carefully, even though she tries really hard not to. Reiha says all the right words and that makes it very difficult for the Miya to even think straight.
"I don't want to be alone." She whispers. "Or you to be alone. Or anyone else. It hurts, I know that." She reaches for a branch with the intention to throw it down the hill and buy some time before continuing, but it proves to be a root from one of the nearby trees. She struggles to cut it off, but her efforts aren't working. In the end, she stops trying and looks somewhat frustrated.
"You don't get it, because I can't explain it. I would be inadequate. Not enough for you or the things that you want. And I don't want to hurt you or to be hurt." She resumes her efforts to rip the root away. A perfect distraction. If only it worked. Asurito slowly raises her eyes to look at the other girl.
"You can't lose something you don't have, right? That is safer. Broken things can either be fixed or thrown away and shatter in more pieces." The root finally is ripped apart from the rest of the tree and the Miya lowers her eyes again and stares at the branch in her hands.
"But you can't have something if you don't try to get it, either." She shrugs. "I'm not sure that you can put up with me, but I feel like I want us to spend all the time in the world together and I have no idea what that means."
|
|
|
|
Post by Doji Reiha on Feb 4, 2018 5:22:35 GMT -5
"I don't think you will be inadequate... I might be though..."
Another sideways glance. How come I'm not blushing? We're talking about all this crappy, personal stuff, and I don't feel like running away? Well, I do, but not really?
"I don't do the... well... intimate... things well? I tried it once, went to a geisha. Totally froze. I..." Reiha shrugs helplessly. This is too huge of an entangled ball of emotions and experiences to unravel with words. How do others manage? Another ragged breath. Ok, no matter, that's why she wrote the manga. To make sense of it all, for her, and anybody else.
"I can't really explain it either. Don't you think it's weird everybody else can just talk, find the correct words? I suck at that sooo hard. I must sound like I'm crazy, right? You have that too? And they make it seem so easy! Makes me feel like a total loser and freak. But I found a way to speak."
That's right! Her phone is in her pj's. She gets it out and opens chapter 4 of her work. There is a blush when she offers her phone to Asurito. It's the part about her visit to the geisha. It doesn't really get any more personal. In that manga she poured everything, it's what she is like on the inside. Ugly. But from the reactions, it seems it's an ugliness shared by so many others. That's what's giving her hope for the future, and fueling this unexpected bout of unprecedented bravery.
"If you read that you'll see just how broken I am. But I'm trying, you know..."
Perhaps after reading this, Miya-sempai will want nothing to do with her anymore, but it's not like she could hide it for long anyway...
|
|
|
|
Post by Miya Asurito on Feb 4, 2018 6:44:23 GMT -5
How can Reiha be saying all the correct words while claiming otherwise? The Miya reaches for the cellphone, but doesn't read anything yet. She just holds the branch in one hand and the phone in the other as if her whole life depends on it somehow.
"Rei," she raises her eyes searching for the Doji's, "you do make sense to me. It's like..." Asurito shrugs, "I don't know. I hear only correct words and they come easy to you. I... I can talk officially. I'm not bad at it. Not at all. But feelings? That's hard to talk about, right? And you make it easier and then it becomes scary. Until it is not so scary. And you want us to be inadequate together and I never thought that anyone would like to be like that with me. And that makes everything scary again."
The girl lowers her eyes again and stares at the cellphone for a long moment before taking a breath and unlocking the screen. Then she starts reading.
After she is done, she keeps looking down at the screen and wipes more tears away. "Rei, you are brave, not broken. And very talented and smart and really cute. You shouldn't worry so much."
|
|
|
|
Post by Doji Reiha on Feb 4, 2018 14:26:48 GMT -5
She blinks and smiles shyly, tears welling up again which she quickly wipes away. Reiha even shuffles a bit closer. She had been mortified of her reaction, expecting the worst...
"I don't know how you could say that after reading what you read." She points at the phone. "That girl is scared all the time, and yes, she is broken. Whatever her family and this world expects from her, well, she can't live up to that. It almost killed her." A pause. "I'm still here though, still scared, still broken. Scared shitless now, actually." There's a nervous laugh. "But I'm beginning to understand what I want and need."
Ever so carefully she reaches out for Asurito's hand.
"You are braver than me, though! Going to travel the Empire for a whole year? All those dangerous sports you do? And you have such a kind heart! The way you treated me when you thought I was just a lost kitsune, I mean, you showed your true nature. That's why I trust you and can talk about my feelings and what I been through. Most people would just run away as fast as they could. I wish you could yourself through my eyes. You are warm and wonderful and beautiful."
|
|
|
|
Post by Miya Asurito on Feb 4, 2018 15:32:39 GMT -5
The girl offers her hand when Reiha reaches for it. "I wouldn't run away and I won't. I'm too fast for you to catch up on me." She attempts a little joke just in case she actually manages to cheer the Doji up. "But I'm not who you think I am. I don't want to travel due to bravery, but because I'm a coward and I wish that I could just run away from everything that comes once school is over. And sports? Nothing really dangerous there. I'm just good at them and I like it."
She raises her eyes and searches for Reiha's. "And I do want to hang out with you, all day long if it is possible. And take care of you. And hold you until you are bored of being held. It feels warm and cosy doing so. I want to glue every piece of you together, until you know yourself how great you are." She shrugs. "But I'm not sure if I can do it. I haven't done it before and I will probably suck at it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Doji Reiha on Feb 4, 2018 17:45:14 GMT -5
As Asurito takes her hand Reiha smiles brightly. This is like a dream. And mom had been right all along! She would know when she first lays eyes on the one and only. Her fox-wife instinct didn't lead her astray! She rests her head on the Miya's shoulder.
"You're no coward! You just don't know yet what you are cut out to do, and that is what you are searching for. Running, yes, but not away from something, towards it. I've been living my life trying to meet my mom's expectations, according to her wishes. It worked for my sisters and brother, but it will kill me if I let it go on any longer. I'll have to find my own way! I already what it is: being a mangaka. And you.
You make me brave. Brave enough to stand up to her perhaps! So you can do it. You're doing it already!"
She gives the other girl's hand a little squeeze.
"And I'll help you find what you need, help you face anything! I promise!" There's the familiar feeling of being spiritually bound to her word, but she doesn't mind in the least! "Neither of us can put herself back together alone, but together we can manage, I'm sure of it!", she murmurs happily.
|
|
|
|
Post by Miya Asurito on Feb 5, 2018 2:27:04 GMT -5
Asurito places her arm around the girl and holds her close. It feels nice and cosy for sure, but Reiha is saying too many things that the herald has no idea how to respond to. So she places the branch she was holding close to her backpack and just remains there silent.
Various thoughts go through her mind and even though the closeness does help quite a lot, the Miya slowly starts to feel like a stinky marten again. She tries to ignore it and manages to do so for some time, but the more she thinks, the more she stinks.
"Rei? Do I smell funny to you right now? Because if I don't then I'm really nervous."
|
|
|
|
Post by Doji Reiha on Feb 5, 2018 4:05:14 GMT -5
This is what Tengoku feels like! Reiha's smile is bright enough to rival Amaterasu as she melts into the embrace, feeling lightheaded and as if floating on fluffy white clouds.
"F... Funny? No! Not at all!" There's a bit of hesitation and embarrassment as she explains one of her more animalistic traits. "A fox's sense of smell rivals that of dogs, and I'm particularly scent-oriented. With you I could say it was 'love at first smell'. Your scent is... glorious. I adore it. It's so good I can't even begin to describe it!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Miya Asurito on Feb 5, 2018 7:26:01 GMT -5
"Ah, okay." Definitely nervous then. And love at first smell? Love? LOVE? Nervous is not enough of a word to describe the feeling as anxiety starts piling up. Yet, Reiha seems in such a bubbly dream that she cannot possibly spoil it for her, so she tightens the embrace and tries to shut her mind off.
|
|
|
|
Post by Doji Reiha on Feb 5, 2018 12:52:03 GMT -5
They sit there in silence, Reiha thoroughly enjoying the feeling of completeness of having found that special one she can make a 'kitsune-click' with when suddenly she remembers time has not, in fact, despite her most ardent wishes, stopped.
"Oh! Uh oh! I promised Tarik-san I would go to that stupid party! He is coming to pick me up at school! We need to go back!"
She looks down at the way she is dressed, then at Asurito.
"I'm sooo sorry! Could... could we go back like we came here? I... I'll turn back to fox!"
|
|
