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Post by Otomo Mako on Feb 11, 2018 23:12:43 GMT -5
Mako had 'broken in' to the Teacher's room, that evening. And by broken in, she guessed the woman's passlock on her door, and walked inside. She had a lot of things to talk about, but she wanted privacy - real privacy. And she doubted Hisui would come to her apartment if she asked her to. So instead she went to her, when she expected the woman would be out. She was still in her school uniform, she didn't dress up for this, she didn't put on extra makeup - she considered these things. Getting extra clothes at lunch, putting on makeup after class, dolling herself up to her most beautiful look, dressing up. Showing Hisui what she was worth, what she could be. But... that was stupid. That wouldn't help anything, it wouldn't help her feel better, to be beautiful. It wouldn't make Hisui love her.
So she was there. Laying on the bed, without any shame, acknowledging fully that if anyone else saw her go in, or caught her in there, she could get in a huge amount of trouble. But it was worth it, in her head. To drown out the demons that were eating at her anytime she heard about an 'Utaku-sensei', or heard her mentioned by name. Just her, and a few sad songs playing over her phone, headphones in her ears as she watched the door to the room she was in. Waiting.
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 11, 2018 23:22:29 GMT -5
The talk with Fuyuko had been emotional, and she decided she needed to take a walk to clear her head. The walk didn't last and she found her feet carrying her back to her quarters. Perhaps a little rest would be better. She's humming a tune to herself, something soothing and familiar. One of the silly love songs she knew so well.
Hisui steps inside, deposits her shoes in the little alcove meant for them, and freezes. Pink hair laid on her bed. A color she never thought she'd welcome the sight of more than at that moment. Laying on her bed.
She didn't know what to do. What to say. Should she be formal? Should she approach with familial familiarity? Was this a reconciliation? Or a seduction? In the end, her mind slipped into the single most neutral thing it could think of.
Stunned silence.
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Post by Otomo Mako on Feb 11, 2018 23:33:08 GMT -5
Mako watched the woman's routine, as she walked in, humming her tune - she couldn't hear the humming, but a part of her knew Hisui was doing it. And then the headphones were popped out of her ears, and she was watching her, for a few seconds. And then Hisui got that deer in a headlight look, that look that made everything seem like it was overwhelming her. And she just gave a sweet smile, the smile she liked to give Hisui, the smile she always gave Hisui, the one she gave the first day of school, when she was so excited to see her, before all of this happened, "Sui~nee~." She was sweet, and sing-songy, as she still laid on the bed, watching the woman, "You really should get a better code for your door~." Still beaming that smile...
"I'm glad you didn't though. I want to talk to you." More formal, now, her smile fading, even as she hid the sadness in her eyes beside a glassy On, so reminiscent of the night they fought, instead, "If you're still willing to speak to me."
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 11, 2018 23:37:44 GMT -5
She feels...overwhelmed. Vulnerable. She'd waited days for this. It felt like eternity. She dropped her phone, which thankfully landed on something soft and didn't shatter. She stammers at first, not sure what to say, what to do. She'd hoped for this day to come, but never in this manner. So many ambiguities, so many things she could ask.
That smile brings her back and sets her adrift all at once.
Mako wanted to talk.
"O-of course," she says, still avoiding using the name. Still unsure how formal, how detached she should be. "Could you...please sit instead of lying down?"
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Post by Otomo Mako on Feb 11, 2018 23:51:09 GMT -5
She let out the tiniest smile, at that request, "Uncomfortable with me lying in your bed?" The laugh she gave was... hollow. It was rather awkward, as she shifted from laying down, to sitting, smiling at the sensei, and patting a section of the bed next to her, "You have room to join me, now. If you'd like." She didn't expect Hisui to. Maybe Hisui was mad at her? Maybe she had decided she should be done with the girl? Maybe it's too much, and she decided she wanted to break up the family to stop the pain. Maybe this was all a bad idea.
Her emotions were trying to eat her up, and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. Everything inside her wanted to break out, right in this moment. The way Hisui was reacting wasn't helping - it was just making all those doubts in her mind about this break out of their little cage. Luckily, her On didn't reflect this.
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 11, 2018 23:55:28 GMT -5
"I'm uncomfortable, yes. But probably not quite for the reasons you're thinking," she answers, regaining a bit of her usual self. The smile helped. Though do I really want you to know what happened on that bed last night? She moves to take the offered seat. "You know, it's a little odd being invited to sit on my own bed."
She tries --- Fortunes above, she tries --- to keep her emotions in check. If Mako would keep calm, as if nothing was wrong, as if there was no turbulent storm of questions and emotions and apologies that loomed over the room, Hisui had to as well. And there was, the Unicorn was sure. Questions and emotions on both ends, and perhaps more than a few apologies from her end. And under it all, the eye of the storm was one very important question.
Is she here to say goodbye?
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Post by Otomo Mako on Feb 12, 2018 0:02:03 GMT -5
Mako took a deep breath, she watched the woman come close, and everything turned bright for a brief moment, she couldn't help but smile a genuine smile, that sweet, innocent smile, as her mind pushed the problems and insecurities out of it for a brief second. And then everything crashed downward again, as she shifted back to the professional sweet smile, that was clearly trained to last through a lot of things, "Oh? I'm sure you've been invited to bed by beautiful girls before." She gave a little sly smile as she said it, even as it pained her to make the joke. But she had to be her. To be teasing. To be okay. "I hope your last few days have been good?" She tilted her head slightly to the side, as she took on the questioning tone, and felt things out.
She was happy that Hisui at least joined her. It was progress. It wasn't her getting yelled at to get out of her room, or her life. But that wasn't always a good thing in her mind. What if Hisui just wanted the closure, to get rid of her for real? To leave her, to move on. To just finally... say goodbye?
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 0:09:59 GMT -5
Deep breath. Hisui's mind insisted this was no worse than a battlefield. It was quieter. It was calmer. There were less things to factor and consider and account for. But the magnitude was deeper. Where a battlefield was wide but shallow, this exact moment with Mako was thin but ran deep. Painfully deep. Deep breath. You can do this, Lieutenant.
There was that shift. That small shift that only someone who knew Mako well could see. That only someone who knew Mako well would notice was replaced so quickly, as if it was an annoyance or fly to be swatted away. Was that all I ever was to her? Something to be swatted aside? "Only three women. Two too many. But my days...my days have been good."
She smiles. That old, familiar smile. The one Mako would know spoke of years of pain.
"I hope you've been..." Happy? "...doing well?"
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Post by Otomo Mako on Feb 12, 2018 0:24:17 GMT -5
Mako kept the smile, even as her heart ached at the idea of who had been in Hisui's bed. It hurt more than it should, probably because now it was a recent thing, that third that was so right for her, that was everything she wanted. "I'm glad you had a good few days." She said it despite everything else she wanted to say. Every other question she wanted to ask. She wanted to just climb into the woman's lap and kiss her, despite everything, and another part just wanted to cry.
"I've been good." She said, instead of it all. But she hesitated. And she held her breath, "But...
I didn't come for small talk. I had something important to say. And I'm sorry for saying it." She paused, after she said that much, the rest of the words caught in her throat. Her mouth felt dry and parched, even though she had drank down an entire bottle just before coming in, just to avoid this. She sat there, just staring for a moment, at the beautiful woman in front of her. The silence went on for what felt like forever, for an eternity and more, despite it not actually lasting so long, as she wondered if this was right.
And then she said it, "I'm in love with you." She said it, and a long tear dripped down her left cheek, breaking through her shell, though no others joined it.
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Post by Utaku Hisui on Feb 12, 2018 0:38:49 GMT -5
A hand. Always gentle. Always so kind. Always so eager to welcome the little pink sun into her home. And now, that same hand was on her face, wiping away that singular tear. The crack in the facade had come, and Hisui saw a bit of hope. A small piece of it, laughable if she thought about it logically. After all, the shell remained intact for the most part. Perhaps it was just one final thing to cast aside, a last piece of whatever they shared to be thrown away before Mako walked away from her for good.
Fortunes knew the Utaku had hurt the girl long enough, badly enough. You can do this, Lieutenant. She deserved to be loved. Fuyuko taught her that, in her own cooing way. But moments like this, moments where she saw years of waiting in vain and watching someone else be happy despite your best efforts...she doubted whether or not that was true.
Long. Too long she's quiet. Not saying anything. Not doing anything. Just looking. Just trying to let the waves and the wind inside her subside. Questions, always questions. How long? When did you...know? Why didn't you ever tell me the truth? Why did you lie to me that night? Are you unhappy with what I've done? Do you resent Fuyuko? Do you know how much it hurts to hear you say that, how horrible it is for me, knowing what it was like to be in your position? Knowing how much harm feelings like this can do to you?
And the last one. The one that hurts the most, the one that makes her look away.
Can you ever forgive me for not letting myself feel the same way?
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